Got back my results..
wad can i say?
i din do my best?
I derserve it?
All i can say is im disappointed...at my results, at myself..
i cld hab done much better
wad've got into me..

cant believe i scored so badly..
cldt forgive myself..
sometimes trying my best isnt good enuff..
i really tried..i did
y am i so stupid..study so hard n got dis kind of results..
if only time cld turn back..
did really really so badly..
everyone's scoring better den me..
really feel like running off..
shout, scream, cry..
but i knew i shldnt..i musnt..i wun...

guides ended at 2p.m..
dun feel like going home..
dunnoe y recently feel like everyone's leaving me..
it's like surrounded with frens and yet feel so lonely..

stayed back n waited fer him..played ping pong..
chit-chatted wif jas..
until near 7..went hm..
got to come up wif a lie to tell my mum..
she's not working now..
staying at home 24/7..
no freedom..no piracy
i hate to explain fer every action i hab..
i dun like n i dun wan!

Sat went out wif mum n dad..
to bugis..
at least it was a pleasant trip..
no quarreling wif them..
i wan buy pure milk shirt..
but as usual no $$
but bought smth else..worth it..
i nid $$$

today rotting at home..
get continued nagged by my mum to study fer chinese..
i will study de lo..
missing dose days she's working...
i nid freedom!!!

Sometimes i wonder...how much longer i can hold..i nid to break down!

Finals r over..finally...
Life's good w/o all dose books..
but skool reopening soon..
papers r returning back..arg...
jus hope i can pass...

5 days w/o skool...
sian...but i sure can survive...
thurs went ps watch movie wif some ex 2/5 peeps...
white chick was okie...funny...yar

friday went out wif silly boy..
oujia board was nice..scary sia...
after tt cldnt decide where to eat..
took so long fer us to settle at swensens..
still flip a coin..yar..lols
he ate fish n chips..i drank soup...n we shared ice cream..
he insisted on buying fish n chips fer me too..
but really dun feel like eating..food nice lahs..but price oso very nice..lols
thanks silly boi..fer everything..yar
shop shop ard..saw dis soft toy, a dog bah...very nice to hug..
he insisted buying fer me...
but dun wan lahs..now my hse alot of soft toy le..den sort of not practical lo..
u got the xin yi i very happy le...
den ard 5..he realized tt he got chinese tuition at 5.30..
so faster faster go home...
reached hm 5 plus plus..

sat morning went to von hse do guides thingy...
her hse dere de parking lot very nice de..on top still got tennis court...
sort of slack thru the whole morning..
wif us fighting over the channels...kids central or channel 8?haha
went off early wif peng..
met my sis at bishan
went heeren...den my sis wan eat sushi..but i dun wan
so went cine..shop shop..
i wan eat foodcourt dere..
she dun wan
i wan seoul garden..den change mind agn..wanted to eat pizza hut..
den she wan eat at swensens...dengz
den we went taka..i wanted to eat delifrance..she dun wan
she wanted to eat yoshinoya
i dun wan...
she wan to at mos burger.. i dun wan
i wan eat mac..
she dun wan..
in the end she dun let me eat..>.<
she deprived me of my food...i wan food..lols
she cannot tahan me so ended up eating chicken rice at far east
nice nice...alot of customers dere, den the shop so small..2 tables share by 3 diff grps of ppl..
but worth it lahs..
took neos wif her...shop shop...broke record..din buy anything...yay!
wanted to go dere buy smth de..but cldnt find smth nice...
went hm ard 5 plus plus

sunday...rot at hm..n silly boy get to go jb..
im jealous..hmph...

today went ice skating
wif sherry, cal, shan n xuelin..
shan pro lehs..first timer..den skate so fast
den xuelin oso not bad lahs...
den i think of the first time i go dere..pengz...so lan lo..
skate like 3 hrs den very sian le..so went out
eat mac..
went causeway pt..den northpoint...shop shop...
den went home le...

tml going to eat at seoul garden..
opps..recently eat too much le..
dieting when skool reopening...
mabbe going to watch new police story..
am i lag or wad..?

wad am i feeling now:
1. hungry...arg..
2. scared..of my results..
3. blur...of wad u are thinking now
4. contradicting..cant understand myself too
5. slackish..dun wanna skool to reopen..dun wanna take 0 level chinese
6. tired..feel like sleeping..mus be today wake up too early le..
7. blessed..wif him ard..wad's more can i ask fer?
8. jus not in the mood to do anything!!

Waiting fer end of yr to be over...desperately waiting fer it...
i dun noe how much longer i can hold on...
been studying like crazy dese few days
guess...i shld have start earlier bah...
too late fer any regrets...
jus hope i can pass...*cross-fingers*
cant stand any more days of rushing home and studying
studying ..studying and still studying..arg....

Chem sucks..totally dun understand the whole qn on mole concept..
to think i ytd stay up so late, trying to figure tt out
All my efforts are wasted...
and my qn paper had to be stapled the wrong way..
and the qns are not in order...
din realize it until i have shaded most of my omr...
have to erase eveything...den i forget to shade one back..arg

sometimes i wondered...wad's the pt of studying so hard...
eating books everyday..staying up late jus to complete the chapters
and in the end i can some shitty marks..
my frens are ending their eoy next mon...n i have to struggle till thurs..
arg..gimme a break...

He cried jus now...
and it's our fault bah...
shldnt have done it..
but i guess, we did it agn...
the three of us obviously isnt in the best mood...
with his work probs..with her promos...with my eoy..
life's hard, and we r all struggling, kaes...

She A blames it on she B
My mum lectured us...
i might not be involved in dis matter directly,
but i feel gulity..
dis is the first time he cried..
or rather from wad i remembered.
He has always been treating us so good
yet i took it fer granted...
i din appreciate...n even give him attitude..
my mum hates the way i tok to them
but guess i'm too stressed or mabbe jus wasnt in good mood
n when i'm in bad mood, i always take it out on my closest ppl...
dey always get the worst of it..
cos i tot dey were so close to me...i tot dey understand...
i tot i can show them my true feelings
but i was wrong...
dey wanted me to be polite to them all the time...
dey wanted me to be nice to them all the time
but i hate pretending...pretending n pretending
so hypocrite...wad's the pt of having family members if all dey wan is to see me pretending?
i dun wan to put on a mask fer u to see...i really dun wan..can i be back myself?
Stop asking me to be a 'perfect' daughter when obviously i'm not one..i'm tired of being the guai guai gal, doing wadever u ask me to... the more u wan me to be prefect, the more i'll turn rebelious..i really dun wan to...

i noe he's working not quite happily...
i noe we nid to reflect on our attitude...
but can u say u have done ur part?
have u really want to understand us?
Do u noe wad's happening to ur 2 daughters?
why can u bring back ur work de unhappiness home and we cant?
u keep complaining abt ur work... but u think we are really dat happy wif skool too?
everyone has their own probs..the both of u keep telling us the probs u face at work...
but hu r we to telll of our probs?
it always seems to u tt only adults have probs...
children are not humans... we dun have probs arh?

She cried...
she told me her feelings...
she's sufferring and her parents arent aware of it
dey jus tot children will jus solve their probs somehow or rather...
do dey noe how much we have to cope..esp when we have to do it alone?
dey r our parents...we nid help, din dey shld at least lend a listening ear?
we appear to be happy...cos we dun wan to worry them...
but all dey see is on the surface...DEY DUN UNDERSTAND US!
When we tok to them, dey jus give us the advice from the adults view...
guess dat's wad is called generation gap bah

Dun be so upset wif ur promos..
either u get it or u dun...
u hab done ur best...den u will hab no regrets...
the rest it's up to fate...
dun try to do things against god's will...
u might lose something but i believe u will get smth back in return...
i noe u really arent feeling good...u love tt skool...ur frens
n u r prepared fer the worst..
but the results arent out yet...
nothing's confirm...
I regretted fer neglecting u...
i missed dose days when we stayed up n chatted...
but promise me kaes, next time got probs, mus tell me hor..
guess i'm the only optimistc person in my hse bah...
at least i noe i blessed to have many frens...dat's y i cant understand ur feelings on ur 'frends' part...but dey r the ones dat keep me going...

Everything seems to happen at the same time
i hate myself fer being affected so easily...
i think i jus cant take things in stride bah...
i took everything so seriously...
jus feel so tired of my life...but luckily, still got him:)

Things tt come easily wont be treasured...n dose u cant get, will forever be the best...